One of my favorite hobbies is to sit around and get nostalgic. I was recently thinking about my care-free reckless youth and I remembered a game. A game that all Canadians must have come across at some point, maybe you had a brother that curved his plastic stick over the stove while mom and dad were out, or played witness to a wild onslaught in a hotel hallway. Yeah, I’m talking about mini-hockey, and I love this game.
Mini-hockey is simple. It takes either A) a good basement, or B) a long narrow hallway. It’s best played with 2-4 people, and everything is fair game. There are no helmets, or masks. If you get hit in the face with the ball; you drop the mitts with the fucker who hit you. Being hit in the dick (or girl dick) with the ball is the only official play stoppage. True competition, yet recreational. Just a small plastic stick with your favorite team’s emblem, a homemade ball, and a baseball glove (for goalies only).
Wikipedia has a reasonably truthful description of the game, and link to a “professional” league, the JRSHL, in St. Louis of all places. I clicked to find out more. There are two teams and one is called Team Narnia, I bet this is a pussy league.
I ran a Google search on mini-hockey to see what I could see. And what I saw was maddening. I don’t know what’s wrong with the youth of today, but they have managed to defile a beautiful game with gadgets, gear, and trickery.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i1572pnb18
Look at these two dickheads. First off, they have a net. Everyone knows that doors, radiators, and coffee tables are all you need for nets. Secondly, that goalie is wearing a mask. Me and my boys didn’t have masks, we took the ball in the face. Third, the goalie again, is wearing a 38 Kings’ jersey. Pavol Demitra wore number 38 for the Kings, and he was a forward you little asshole.
You can turn this off at the 30 second mark;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yZq_W1sX8w
You can’t call this mini-hockey if you’re using a puck. Pucks in mini hockey are tape-balls, a roll of socks, or in some cases a Jelinek ball; idiot. That stick is a sawed off elementary school floor hockey stick. Get a hair cut kid.
SL
